Sunday, 22 June 2014

::Thoughts:: Review, Remove, Reboot, Repeat

As I write this I'm sitting on the couch its 12:30am. I was trying to sleep but I had too many thoughts swirling around in my head…

I'm a hoarder. An information hoarder. I consume information. I consume too much information. I don't create as much as I want because I spend so much of my time consuming blog posts, email subscriptions, Pinterest, Facebook, self help books… you get the idea.
I have user accounts for heaps of platforms that I don't even use.
I subscribe to emails I don't read.
I have a bunch crazy information on my hard drive.
A jumble of digital documents that don't make sense to me let alone others.

I have become a 'me too'-er.
That's not the real me.

I spend way too much time on my phone.
I spend way too much time on the internet.
I spend way too much time not doing useful and productive things.
   The things I'm passionate about.
   The things dear to me.

I consume in other ways too, I have a lot of 'things'. I'm not at hoarding levels or anything. I just have a lot of 'stuff' in my life. I have a lot of wasted space in my studio, in my house. I envy those that are amazing organised and efficient and streamlined.

Consuming so much information is a good and bad thing. It means I know a little about a lot, but it also means I'm not doing the things I want to do. The things I need to do.

I'm going through a strange phase of my life right now.
I'm between jobs. I have been for over 6 months.
That is really hard for me to write.
I'm going through a bit of a 'block' in my life right now.
I feel like I'm on the verge of big change, but I'm too scared to change things; To purge things from my life that don't bring me joy.

I'm afraid. I don't know what I'm afraid of.
No, that's a lie;
I'm afraid of losing memories.
I'm afraid of regret.
I'm afraid of...failure.

I'm a thinker by nature. I start my sentences with "I think"… a lot.
It's probably why I'm an information hoarder.
I also read a lot because I have this weird idea that reading about something is the same is doing it.
It's not.
I plan. Plan, plan, plan.
But I don't take the next step.
Self discipline is not my strong point.
Excuses are easy.
Then I feel bad.
Then I'm a mess of disappointment.
Another broken promise to myself.

Don't take this as me being incredibly self-critical.
I'm reflecting.
Just getting thoughts out.
Maybe you can relate.
Maybe you can't.

I want to streamline my life.
I want similar things all in the same place.
I want to keep a promise to myself.
I want to only expose myself to people and messages that resonate with me.
I want to be present.

So steps forward. What do I need to do to get back to a place where I want to be?
NEED to do to get to a place where I'm content.

Do I use it?
Is this useful to me?
Do I get anything out of it?
Does this add to the life I want?
Does this bring joy into my life?
Have I used/looked at this in the last year?
But what if I want to use it in future? - Get over yourself. Things are replaceable. Time, relationships and clarity are not.

If the answer is no to all - GET RID OF IT.

Set some boundaries.
Establish some routines. At the very least a morning and evening routine.
Get some systems into place. Steps to follow.
Decide on my destination. GO! The journey will take care of itself.

I must journal in the evenings. Get it out on paper so I don't end up thinking it when I'm lying in bed.
Do planning on paper. No way to open a new browser window.

Use a timer. Track where my time goes.
Slow down. Who am I racing?
Speed up. Stop wasting time on things that have no tangible reward.

Accept that this is not going to be a perfect process.
Understand that I will have to do this again.

There is not such thing as perfect balance, there is only juggling.

Hmmm. A bit of stream of thought for a Saturday night.
Very much a departure from my usual posts, but maybe that's a good thing. Shake things up a bit.

Can you relate? How do you overcome 'blocks' in your life? I'm interested to read what you write. Leave a comment.

Until next time.

Lets connect

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